Today, was a feel good day. I accomplished a few things that I had been planning on from a very long time since. This made me happy, and my heart was light. At that point of time, I was rather more jovial than my usual self, and I was chatting with a friend of mine. In the swing of the moment, when you want to spread that feel goodness to everyone, and make them all a part of your enjoyment and merriment, I tried to tease him. And most unexpectedly the event turned around when he crisply reprimanded me for being too casual in my remarks and reminded me to stay within my limits. Apparently, the closeness that I felt with him, was not the same closeness he felt with me. Needless to say, I felt deeply hurt, and then I felt wronged. I felt that it was unjust on his part of have misread my words, and interpreted it in anyway other than being jovial.. and most certainly they were not meant to demean him in any way. I could not get over the anger and the frustration, and rather kept brooding on it, and the feel goodness that was there moments ago, had all suddenly vanished. I knew that I was letting negative thoughts hamper my day, but yet could not figure out how to curb it.
Later that day, while I was driving back home, the record still playing in my mind continuously… I realized something. I recited to myself the prayer of St. Francis, and one particular sentence in that which said.. to understand rather than be understood. I recited that prayer once again, and my heart felt light once more. I recognized that it was my ego that had veiled my eyes. I could not see beyond my hurt feelings. In the new found light, I realized that it is not necessary that everyone feel close to us the same way as we do towards them. Maybe it hurts our ego, but once we get over it, we grow to accept them as they are. And it really doesn’t matter that everyone love us the way we love them either! That should not be the scale for giving out our love when they are in need. Maybe he had a hard day, maybe I indeed overstepped my boundaries that he had probably set for me. I may have been oblivious to that, but yet, apparently my words hurt him.
I wish there was a way I could undo it, but I can’t. I have tried to understand rather than brood over being misunderstood. But yet, my words hurt someone today… it will take me sometime to get over the remorse…
It does hurt when the reciprocation does not meet our expectations. But what can I say! I’m in awe at your conclusion.
U r such an adorable soul. Maybe that explains it all.
Hey, are u back in B’lore?