Hum pyaar karne waale!

Well, stupid cupid’s day is over!! I am sure he shot quite a few arrows! And just how many hit, and how many missed will be known before the year ends ;). And yeah, this blog including, all the media swayed for the romance in the air! There were celebrations of great romances and every friggin’ lover thought that he was yeddanoder Romeo (RSS/Shiv Sena Patronists read Heer/Majnu) and every heart broken dude spoke of the pointlessness of such celebrations (ignoring the protests of the so called protectors of culture). eeeeeeeeneyways! Now just like yin-yang, black-white, beautiful-ugly, amitabh-kishan, madhuri-meghana, our bollywood has given us the best and probably the most awful lovers/love stories! Now I know that all you people have been fed up and are ready to puke out the names of the best ones! But then, to counter that, lets think of the really repulsive lovers we have seen on screen! What say you? 😉
  • Vikas Bharadwaj-Meghana (Classic-Dance of love) :- For crying out loud! What was Subhash Ghai thinking when launching this movie through his productions or I guess he truly wasn’t! Ever had an experiencing of groping in the dark corners of the bench you are sittin’ on during your first date with a gorgeous babe, looking for something and end up with a sticky mess “that must not be named” -much like a relic of someone?! And there is so much embarassment, shock, and trauma! And you have this demented and shocked monkey look on your face! Trust me! That sounds far better than the experience of watching this movie! Herez a sample for ya all – The lead actress named Doli (no comments.. trying hard not to kill myself!) is watching the movie “Romeo and Juliet” with the lead actor (oh boy! He can put a fossil of a wood to shame and kill it all over again with his acting prowess). The scene is of Romeo makin’ out with Juliet when they meet secretly in her room. And voila the female lead realizes that the film is in English!!! And she goes “yeh kaun sa piccar dikhaa rahe ho hamein, hamein toh yeh bhaasha samajh mein hI nahin aati“!!!! (Comeon! don’t stop me! I wanna die!!!!). And thatz when the Mr. Woody Vikas goes on to explain the situation of the movie, slowly seducing her! I mean! Dude! You could have done that using any porn! And she pretty damn well would have understood!! More Duh!! And if Bappi’s music did not tip me off, the fact that this movie was directed by the same person who made that wildly junglee movie “Tarzan” must have!! I am planning to sue them for intense psychological disruption and demention of my mental status!
  • Fardeen Khan – Meghana Kothari (Prem Aggan) :- Ok! Now was this meant to be a funny movie? No? Oh! I guess you wanted this to be a sexy and sizzling movie? Not even that!!! Hmm.. lemme think! Ah! Yeah! Oh My! How could I not see it! Isn’t this supposed to be a horror movie?!! Whatz that! Oh comeon! the only person allowed to curse around here would be me! And boy oh boy! this movie did leave me dumbfounded to even speak! Here is a guy loving this thing called a gal, making out like dogs in barns! They have to just see a snake, and before long they are out there trying all postures and positions that their bodies can manage! She goes “aaj mujhe us har dard ka ehsaas karaado, jisse mera yeh jism sirf tumhaara ho jaaye” – now was this an invite to make love?! I am sure there was a mis-communication! For Fardeen does get on to her like a mad dog, and before long he goes “nahin mein yeh nahin kar sakta (shocked expressions!! Oh dude, that has some serious repercussions)!!!”
  • Sanjay Kapoor – Tabu (Prem) :- Nature is a known for its peculiarities and weirdness – and then there is Sanjay Kapoor!! I am sure even the maker must have squirmed in his seats when he made him! And here he is going “saamne hai par nazar atti nahin… atti nahin…” doing in the hall what may seem a neandrethel form of dance, except that the fire was missing! And oh yeah! the story! oh gosh! Now thatz what love is all about! 7 births and they still are in love with eachother! Now Tabu did seem an intelligent girl! And the same mistake in all the 7 births!! Oh comeon!!
  • Govinda – Aishwarya Rai (Albela) :- Ok.. let’s start with what went wrong. Ah! that’s right! This movie was even considered worthy of thinking let alone make one! And then, they paired up Govinda with Aishwarya Rai! It is not even putting a new label on an old bottle!! And what more! Jackie is the lover boy and then there is Namrata Shirodkar! Need one say more? No? Oh comeon, I need to share the agony! Ah! the story! Tourist guide meets phoren girl. Desi girl sets eyes on guide. Journalist doodle eyes phoren girl….zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
  • Hrithik – Kareena (Yaadein) :- Woah! Whadda movie! I remember going into a long depression soon after watching this mistake of a movie, that seems to have taken a set of gobbledygook hotch potch and tried to concoct what seemed to be a run-away success in driving away the viewers!! While it was a torture enough to bear with Jackie, add to that those weird antics of Hrithik (the torture of bearing with hundreds of Hrithiks dancing with guns in their hands, while one was quite a lot to handle), and whatz more?!! thatz what!

Much as I would like to include Mallika-Himanshoooo (“Khwahish”), SRK – troupe of monkeys (“Mohabbatein”), Salman-Diya (“tumko na bhool paayenge”) and many many more, I would not want to deter dear ol’ cupid! But then what can one say! He certainly goofs up sometimes! And what more! Bollywood celebrates it! Now, I am exiting, to go through yeddanoder round of pyschological counseling for intense trauma and tension! For all those who read this, do write to me for free aspirins!

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