Have you ever had to break a bad news to the family over phone? Striking a conversation then becomes the most painful task! No matter how jovial or exuberant you may try to sound, the phonyness of the entire thing becomes evident sooner than one can say “hello”! It is even more so, with parents than anybody else!
What makes this task even more agonizing is the realization that you are the one stifling their dreams, aspirations, and happiness that you have yourself sowed in their life! For their part they may seem encouraging and supportive of your venture, but then the long drawn pauses between the sentences, the heavy breathing, and the choking voice are daggers that dig deep into one’s soul, and makes life the most dreary thing to ever happen to you!
I hate myself when I am like this! Even more, when I am clueless! Like falling from pan to fire! But then again, what is wrong in feeling down at times? Staying upbeat and bubbly all the while is also being type cast. Isn’t it? Or am I just rationalizing! I am missing my parents a lot. I wish I had my mother here with me, to reassure me that I can pull through this, and that everything is OK. I wish she would run her hands through my hair, mess them up and then set them straight again, joking on how many more hairs she made me lose. I wish my father was right next to me, assuring me that I am capable of handling anything that life throws at me, and that I can never disappoint him, as I never have, till now. The point being, they tried, they tried a lot. But, over a $ 5 call that will last 45 mins, I missed out on a lot of things! I dunno what to do… I just don’t know…..